It has been argued in much research and media recently that our desire for our children to succeed has made us parents a tad Machiavellian in our approach to their lives.  For example, have you found yourself fighting their battles, trying to influence their lives, doing what you can to ease their way through their lives?? 

I bet the answer is YES. To be honest, of course we have, of course we do. What parents would we be if we didn’t??  Isn’t it our job to make sure our talented and gifted offspring achieve everything they were meant to? If we can grease the path, make life easier, hell, why not??

BUT, are we doing the right thing?

Its no news to anyone that the current obsession with celebrity is breeding a copycat culture where our children want to emulate the lives of the celebrities they see regularly.  A US based teen site has this subject up for discussion and it makes interesting reading.  They know they are adopting a ‘sheep’ mentality but they want to be like them.  They want hair like Paris Hilton, dress like Robert Pattinson, a house like Miley Cyrus. This is where they are getting their inspiration from. And the worst thing is, they know!  The thing is however, is that some of our children don’t seem to want to do anything to achieve these dreams.  And we are doing nothing to discourage them.  Obviously, this doesn’t apply to all children; those achieving perfect A’s in the Leaving Certificate are increasing in numbers year on year.  This is encouraging.  But, for those who sit back and will things to happen with no discernable effort made on their part, what on earth is the message they are getting that is making them think these dreams are achievable? Well, I think we may, unwittingly or not, have something to do with the perpetuation of these expectations.

As much as we want help them, I’m not so sure we are helping them by feeding them praise and affirmations constantly, even when they are underachieving.  We protect them from bad experiences; we cosset them in a world of positive feedback and protection.  We concentrate so much on how they feel, we turn a blind eye to their failings for fear of damaging their self esteem and confidence.  In the long run, I am not so sure we are doing the right thing in not exposing our children to the bad things in life.  We are undermining their resilience, we are not allowing them to deal with real life and the ups and many downs that come with it.  Is this enabling them to fail, or enabling them to disable them, or disabling them to make them fail. It’s hard to know what’s right and what’s not. 

Not so long ago, I got a call from a concerned mother whose daughter hadn’t done well in her leaving cert.  She asked me if I would see her and try to build up her confidence as she had taken the results badly and her self esteem was suffering. The daughter had always dreamed of being a Doctor but her results were not good enough.  Her mother thought if she did a psychometric assessment, surely it would show that she could actually be a Doctor.  I duly arranged to meet with the daughter for a career guidance session.  The daughter arrived with her mother in tow. I made the usual ‘thanks, see you in two hours’ noises, but, no! Mummy wasn’t going anywhere. She insisted on being present throughout the whole meeting and all the assertiveness skills in the world weren’t going to make her leave.  She interrupted constantly, she questioned my advice, offered her version of it and told her daughter over and over again that she could be a Doctor if only she listened to the nice lady (me) and completely ignored the results of the psychometric assessment which had thrown up other (good) careers that her skills, abilities and interests would suit.  Frankly, it was a waste of both mother and daughters time and money

It was the most draining two hours of my life. Sadly, this is not an isolated case.  But is this encouragement? Or is it over protection? Are we completely protecting our children from having any independence and autonomy by not telling them the truth about what they can and can’t achieve.  How can our children grow and develop as individuals when we don’t tell them the harsh realities – that they may have to lower their expectations to suit what their capabilities are. 

Children need to learn that if they are motivated and work hard, they can improve.  Not everyone is born with the same capabilities.  Intelligence is multiple.  We need to be asking in what ways children are intelligent, not necessarily whether they are intelligent.  We need to focus on what they can do, not what they can’t.  A friend of mine who has a special needs child made this decision when she was given the devastating diagnosis soon after his birth.  After the initial shock and disappointment, she decided to focus on his abilities and not his disabilities. She’s right.  And he’s a better child for it. 

Children in today’s culture seem to have a sense of entitlement. Where has this come from?  It is because we can’t say no to them? Is this a backlash against our own upbringing when things were definitely tougher and we were actually told ‘no’ (a lot!).  We certainly stood on our own two feet a lot more.  It would be easy to lament times gone by when we disappeared for hours with no mobile phone, when we lost at sports day and weren’t that bothered, but there is no point.  Those days are gone (sadly).  It could be argued that this is more about us and our own personal histories than them. We don’t want to hurt their feelings because we know how it feels. We don’t want them to be different because we were. We want them to fit in so we bend to the social pressures of popular culture. That is, the best of everything, constant praise, applauding mediocrity.  How are we going to develop confident, rounded human beings when they think the world owes them a living.  How are they going to face the real world when all they have ever known is the cosseted world of their childhood where everything is perfect and no-one ever says no.

Well I think it is time to start telling our offspring the truth.  They need to know that life is hard.  We need to equip our children to cope with the reality that faces them out in the real world.  The biggest influence on children is their parents.  Yes we need to love them unconditionally but we need to prepare them for the real world and warn and prepare them for the challenges that are a part of life and encourage them to face them head on.  We have to stand back and let them make their own mistakes and, most importantly, accept the consequences of bad or lazy behaviour, learn the skills, deal with it intelligently and move on.

©Mandy Spencer Hunt 2010

Self Development – Why It Matters

It’s very easy at the moment to be miserable. The weather is rotten, the economy is rotten and the upcoming budget is likely to be rotten. A lot of us are insecure in our jobs, we don’t have the excess funds we used to which allowed us a break from the monotony of everyday life and subsequently, we plod along waiting for something to happen which throws a bit of something different into our days. The last thing on our minds is self development.

Firstly, try and figure out the source of the dissatisfaction. Some methods include:

• Keep a mood journal, when do you feel most dissatisfied?

• List what you want? Honestly?

• List what you want to change? •

 List how you could make things better?

• List things you could potentially do (be realistic)

• How can you manipulate your fate?

Self development, personal or professional makes us feel good. It makes us feel like we have done something useful with our time. It gives us something to talk about, it allows us to challenge ourselves, do something different, expand our skills and knowledge, and learn something new. So why not?

At work

 Ask the boss for a lateral move in order to learn more about the company. This will show the bosses that you are interested in how the organisation works and when things change, you may be further up the promotion ladder given you have shown enthusiasm and commitment.

Ask for extra projects. Although we are all overworked, underpaid, yadda yadda yadda, it might be interesting to take on something new. It will give you a chance to talk to different people and get away from your ‘normal’ day to day routine.

Suggest different ways of doing things.

Experiment with the way things are done (check this is acceptable first).

Look for ways to improve things. Maybe you have spotted a process which you feel could be improved, have a go and then let the boss know whether it worked or not. Could be a good way to bring yourself to the attention of the boss (in a good way!).

Research courses and programs (internally and externally) that interest you or could benefit you in your current job or in the future. Outline to the boss why they would be good for you and your development.

Offer to mentor a junior member of staff. This is extremely fulfilling when done properly. It allows you to share knowledge and expertise and allows you to build relationships outside of your ‘normal’ day to day ones.

As Mark Twain said ‘the only way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up’. Change your attitude. Try and go to work with a positive attitude, help those around you, be the one who goes for the coffee for a change, and accept tasks willingly and with a positive outlook. If you pretend for long enough, you might change the way you feel.

Ask for feedback (but be prepared for it!). Sometimes we feel undervalued or taken for granted when really we just need someone to tell us we are doing a good job. A small boost of confidence goes a long way.

Be a role model for others.

Personally

 Try to fill your mind with positive ideas, thoughts and inspirations – this will leave no room for the negative ones. Try not to see everything in black and white; the world isn’t black and white.

Try to learn something new everyday, even if it’s only watching the news or reading a different paper. Pick something you wouldn’t normally pay attention to and try to discuss with other people.

Volunteer to do something you wouldn’t normally. This could be the simplest thing, from helping someone across the road to volunteering to help a charity collect money/clothes/food and so on.

Check out your local library for free courses and information.

Do something that challenges you mentally or physically.

Be a role model for others.

Set yourself targets for what you want to achieve and congratulate yourself when you have succeeded. Don’t dwell on previous failures, this time will be different.

Tackle something you have been avoiding. You always feel better when you do something you don’t want to do!

Self development takes many forms; mental, spiritual and physical and so on. It is up to us, no one else to take what it is we want and make it happen. It matters because it is important to feel happy and fulfilled, both professional and personally. Accept personal responsibility for your own growth; no one can do it for you.

‘What you do today will determine your readiness for tomorrow’. Anon

©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd, 2009

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 motivational and self development programs, each tailored to specific requests. Please  direct your enquiries to shconsulting@eircom.net or 2861086 or 087 9178717

Thank You

 There are many, many guides, hints and tips everywhere for interviewees and how they should prepare and behave at interview. For the interviewer, there is legislation around what we can and can’t ask, along with guidelines about how the interview should be structured. However, apart from common sense, which obviously is present in most interviewers, there is nothing that protects the interviewee from a bad attitude from the interviewer.

Here are some examples of ‘’bad attitude’ from interviewers (and these, unfortunately are very real):

• We won’t take long, I’ve hundreds of people to see, now, what was your name again?

- Did you bring a CV, I’ve lost yours

 • Sorry to have kept you waiting, I was at lunch (candidate waited 45 minutes!)

• We are not making a decision any time soon, we are leaving the position open until we find exactly the right person, and it is a buyers market you know

 • Which agency are you from?

• I haven’t had time to look at your CV, which job are you here for again?

• I don’t think you’re right for this job and I’ve lots of other people to see

• What makes you so special

Other examples include:

• Negative body language; constantly looking at watches, clocks, sighing, tapping pen

• Actively not listening

• Being distracted

• Interviewers sharing ‘looks’ and sniggering

• Being dismissive

• Writing notes constantly and therefore not engaging with the candidate

 • Deciding early on in the interview that the candidate is not right for the job and letting the candidate know this

 • Not getting back to candidates when they have been unsuccessful

• Giving inappropriate feedback

• Ignoring calls from the candidate after the interview

It would be nice to think that these are not real but they are.

It is a fact that there are too many candidates for the number of jobs that exist. In the present market, there are highly qualified, experienced people looking for work who, in many cases are accepting less senior roles, with reduced salaries purely to get back to work, or indeed stay in work. This will have long term consequences for the job market and the people within it. As interviewers, we need to consider this in our approach to candidates.

According to Anne Coleman, Recruitment and Business Manager at Clarigen HR, interviewers need to be careful about how they present themselves and their company to potential employers. Anne comments that ‘in the past, when the market was very different, employers actively spent time building up their employer brand, any damage done at interview is long lasting and things will change in the job market. Interviewers need to be sympathetic to the job seeker, whilst they may not be suitable for this particular role; you need to consider that this may their 10th interview in the past 2 months and their confidence is probably low. It is the interviewers’ role to ensure that they give each candidate a fair and objective interview’.

Bad interviews seem to be on the increase. This could be a consequence of the current market and the pressures that are on businesses, however, there are a number of reasons that interviewers don’t carry out successful interviews. According to Paul Mullen, Founder and Director of Measurability.ie, some interviewers use inappropriate methods as ‘tactics’; they try to unsettle you, play the ‘good cop bad cop’ roles to possibly test how a candidate would respond in certain situations. Candidates usually attend interviews prepared and rehearsed and something that they don’t expect ‘malfunctions’ them. Another reason that interviewers carry out ‘bad’ interviews is that for most hiring managers, recruiting is not their job, they are untrained and very busy. Other reasons include interview fatigue and lack of knowledge.

These tactics and excuses are inappropriate. Competency based questions will elicit any specific information around a skill and all interviewers should be trained in interviewing, both from an attitude and a legal perspective, to protect themselves as well as the candidate.

Interviewers should always:

• Take time to read the CV beforehand

• Make notes about what you want to ask the candidate

• Be on time

• Explain to the candidate what is going to happen and how long you expect the interview to take #

• Ask only appropriate job related questions

• Ask all candidates (for the same job) the same questions

• Be focused and attentive to what the candidate is saying

• Take appropriate, legislation compliant notes

 • Tell the candidate when they can expect to hear from you

• Give appropriate fact based, objective feedback if asked for it

It is easy to make mistakes in interviews, people are busier than they have ever been and many managers see recruiting and interviewing as a necessary evil. Every candidate that walks through the door is forming an opinion of you and your organisation. Make sure it’s a positive one – one day, the shoe could be on the other foot!

©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd, 2009 Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 interviewing skills for hiring managers programs and interview preparation for candidates. Please call on / , email on shconsulting@eircom.net or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information or add a comment at our blog http://spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com Thank You

In Ireland there are almost 400,000 Facebook users (Mulley Communications, August 2009).  Plus, given that most people subscribe to more than one social networking site, such as Twitter, LinkedIn and so on, we cannot ignore social networking as being part of modern working life – the focus should be not so much on that it happens but how we should manage it. 

Given the popularity of social networking, maybe the approach should more specifically be; how much time spent on non work related electronic communications is acceptable (this can include google, ebay and so on).

Most companies have policies around the use of computers for personal use, but do companies really have the control they think they do?  Is a complete ban on social networking the answer? 

There are benefits and pitfalls to employees engaging in social networking from a business perspective;

Benefits:

-          a positive and happy employee is likely to post happy and positive messages – this can work as a good PR tool for potential clients and prospective employees

-          it can provide release from the day to day humdrum for employees and give them an opportunity to chat with friends, family and other colleagues

-          can be used as an information gathering tool

-          can to be to provide information to a wide range of people very quickly

-          for certain industries (eg. journalism) it is a useful tool for tracking stories and events worldwide which you otherwise wouldn’t have access to

-          companies may wish to use to determine what PR they are getting by tracking the number of posts containing the company name and what they are saying

Pitfalls:

-          a productivity killer and time waster

-          can be a distraction to the day to day job of the employee (The Irish Times reports that 69% of bosses believe social networking is a major distraction for employees!)

-          can potentially get personal resulting in a distracted and possibly upset employee

-          negative posts can affect client perspectives

-          there is potential for devastating mistakes to be made, such as posting something about a colleague or the business which is then picked up by someone who maybe shouldn’t have seen it

-          it is difficult to control and on the whole, provides no immediately discernable advantage to businesses

There are a number of ways to manage social networking at work:

1. ban altogether – In these times of decreased motivation and people staying in jobs because they are scared to move, a heavy handed approach is not likely to work.  However, companies DO have the right to ban all computer activity that is not work related.

2. accept it happens and manage it – for example, have a policy which allows a restricted amount of time social networking, for example, 30 minutes during lunch or outside of hours. 

 There is no employment legislation which requires organisations to have a policy on electronic communications, but it is best practice to have a comprehensive policy in place to prevent abuse of the system.  HOWEVER, a policy in isolation is not going to work.  Merely handing an employee a policy handbook containing an electronic communications and business conduct policy, is not going to stop people social networking at work.  Policy details need to be communicated clearly and effectively with an emphasis on the consequences of not adhering to the policy.  It is recommended that as part of the induction process, details of the policy and consequences for not adhering to the policy are laid out clearly and comprehensively.

 Example policy wording: (a brief version)

 Personal Use of Company Electronic Communication Systems:

 ‘The Company’ would prefer employees not to use the company electronic communication systems for personal use.  However, limited personal use will be permitted provided that it is in compliance with the following;

 -          Outside of core business hours

-          Appropriate

-          Not potentially offensive

-          Not derogatory

-          Not defamatory

-          Not of a bullying or harassment nature

-          Does not contain the company name or make any reference to any company employees by name

-          Does not discuss confidential company business

 ‘The Company’  reserves the right, at any time, to access, audit, read, delete, retain, review all electronic communications, sent, received, stored, accessed or transferred on the company system.  This includes monitoring information pertaining to Internet usage.

 Violations and Consequences

Violations of this policy may be grounds for disciplinary action up to and including termination of employment, or immediate revocation of any or all electronic communications access and user privileges.  In addition, certain violations could result in civil or criminal liabilities for the Company and/or the user.

 In conclusion, an employer cannot ignore social networking but rather needs to ensure that it is a not a drain on their business.  The best approach is to accept it and manage it.

 ©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd, 2009

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides policy and procedure advice programs and can provide policy and procedure manuals which are compliant with employment legislation.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information or add a comment at our blog http://spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com

Giving feedback is a fundamental part of the process of leading people towards behaviour and performance that are appropriate to any given situation.  It can be defined as:

‘Information about performance or behaviour that leads to an action to affirm or develop that performance or behaviour’

We receive feedback constantly in a number of ways; informally – people reacting to us, formally – from our superiors, clients, colleagues, on training courses and from our environment.

Feedback is essential for us to learn and grow.  It provides us with opportunities to vary or amend our approach, produce better results, enhance our performance, enhance relationships and aids communication.

Why Bother with Constructive Feedback?

It allows managers to successfully motivate and develop their staff

It allows coaches and advisors to succeed in improving

It allows trainers to effectively impart skills that are transferred into the workplace

It allows mentors to release potential

It allows people to be effective team members

Constructive Feedback v Destructive Criticism

There is a fundamental difference between constructive feedback and destructive criticism.  Constructive feedback provides information about behaviour and performance against objective standards in such a way that recipients maintain a positive attitude towards themselves and their work.  It encourages recipients to commit themselves to a personal plan to move towards agreed standards or performance and behaviour

Destructive criticism on the other hand tends to dominate only when things go wrong or there are no agreed standards against which to measure performance or behaviour.  Destructive criticism is often personal and subjective, for example, I don’t like your attitude’. 

Constructive feedback should be given as close to the event as possible and in private. You must also consider the recipients ability to handle feedback – your method and communication style need to reflect this.  Positive feedback should be given in public arena.

Barriers to Giving Constructive Feedback

Some barriers to giving and receiving feedback include surprise or shock on the part of the recipient, differing perceptions of expectations and no clear objectives.  Poor personal relationships between people may result in feedback being perceived as criticism, particularly if the  person giving feedback is not be qualified to be giving the feedback!

Some other barriers include previous feedback being of a negative nature, this may create the perception that all feedback is going to be negative.  People are often afraid of giving feedback in case it damages relationships but if the feedback is provided in a fact based, objective way, this should not occur.

The 10 basic rules for giving constructive feedback are:

1. Analyse the current situation thoroughly; are you the right person to be giving this feedback?

2. Decide on your outcome(s) and objective(s) which should be:

• Positive
• Specific
• Achievable
• Measurable
• Realistic
• Worthwhile
• Set within a timescale

3. Assess the recipients’ capacity for receiving feedback

4. Create the right environment; praise in public, constructive feedback in private

5. Communicate effectively, ensure your approach is appropriate and reflects the person and situation

6. Describe the behaviour you wish to change, be clear about what you want to change/happen

7. Describe the behaviour that you want, be clear about what the outcome is to be

8. Seek solutions together, communicate effectively, compromise, aim for win-win

9. Focus on what is good, don’t dwell on the negative

10. Feedback is like a gift, people choose to accept it, or not

©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd. 2009

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 effective constructive confrontation and feedback programs.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information. If you wish to comment on the content of this article, please do so at http://spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com

Thank You

 I think we can all agree that it is much easier to think assertively than to actually put it into practice.  It is a common occurrence to ignore or avoid situations where we feel threatened or where we have to confront someone.

 Here are the basic rules of assertive behaviour.  Firstly, we repeat the definition of assertiveness:

 To stand up for your rights in a way that respects the other people involved and to satisfy the needs and wants of both parties’

 Critical to assertive behaviour is remembering that how you think affects your behaviour.  This in turn affects your body language and voice which then affects the outcome.  So, accepting you can’t change the situation, you can change the outcome by changing your behaviour.  Your behaviour is the only thing within your control.  You can’t control someone else’s behaviour, you can only influence it.

 Initial reactions to situations:

 How we react to situations affects the outcome.  For example, internalisation is a learned, specific response to specific situations much like a playback button on a video recorder.  It allows no conscious thought process and is almost automatic which means that our brains act as a recognition machine in certain situations.

 We then gear our behaviour to those situations which we learnt in childhood rather than to the outcome we want.   This information stored in our subconscious is handled automatically.  For example, when driving a car or knitting, we do not think about what we are doing (once we are competent at the task) as our subconscious handles it so we don’t have to!  Our subconscious handles the association for us automatically and makes it difficult for us to change our programmed responses to situations.

 Coping Strategies:

 Reprogramming – Changing how you react to situations requires conscious thought – you need to reprogram your subconscious to cause positive rather negative feelings toward a situation.

 Staying in control of your feelings – Acknowledging, responding in a non-confrontational manner, demonstrating to the other person that you heard what they said without it affecting your emotions.

 Standing your Ground – Clarify what the other person wants, communicate how you feel and state what you want.

 Pointing out Discrepancies and Consequences. – This is useful where a person has not done something which had been agreed or where the behaviour or performance is below expectation or outside the norm.  The benefits of pointing out the discrepancy are that it is direct and clear and non accusatory. 

 Pointing out a Consequence tells the other person what will happen if the situation persists.  The benefit of this is that it is factual and precise. There are no ‘mights’.  It can be serious without being heavy.  The onus of responsibility is on the other person which is where it should be.  However, here, you need to be careful of facial expression, tone of voice and stance and it is advisable to point out what the preferable option/outcome is.

 Combining the techniques above achieves the following:

–         Avoids accusations

–         Achieves results

–         Avoids provocation

–         Keeps you focussed

–         Behaviour geared to outcome, not feelings

–         Rights remain intact

–         Be careful of body language, tone of voice

 And finally, remember you have rights, for example,

–         To be ultimate judge of your own thoughts, behaviours and emotions

–         To be treated with respect

–         To state what you want and how you feel

–         To have and express an opinion

–         To be listened to

–         To be imperfect

–         To make mistakes

–         To feel okay about yourself

–         To put yourself first on occasions

–         To stand up for your rights, or not, as you choose

 And these are something to which you are entitled.  You do not have to qualify for them in any way, there are no preconditions.

 In summary:

 How we feel about ourselves impacts how we behave so self esteem is important.  If we believe in what we feel and feel confident in our approach, the outcome is more likely to be positive.  Remember:

–         Think of yourself as distinct from your behaviour (don’t allow your robot to convince you that you are getting it wrong)

–         Everyone makes mistakes, learn from them and don’t let them stop you

–         Interpret criticism, it is someone’s opinion, not fact

–         Don’t compromise your rights or be intimidated

 ©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd, 2009

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 assertiveness programs.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information or add a comment at our blog http://spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com

Thank You

Part 2 – Coping Strategies for Conflict

Following up from last week’s article about conflict, this week we briefly discuss coping strategies with a focus on our own behaviour towards the conflict, that of assertion, or non assertion and the consequences of the behaviour we choose.

Firstly, analyse the conflict. Ask questions. The first step in managing conflict is to analyse the nature and type of conflict.  Then you need to gain a general understanding of the conflict, you will need to analyse and select the most appropriate strategy.  This will help to move the situation toward consensus.

Some Conflict Management Strategies include:

Collaboration – which we can correlate with assertion

Compromise – which we can correlate with assertion

Accommodation            – which we can correlate with assertion

Avoidance – which we can correlate with non assertive behaviour

Definitions:

Assertiveness – standing up for your rights in a way that respects the other people involved

Aggression – standing up for your rights in a way that violates the rights of others

Non Assertion – failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in a way that others can disregard them

Collaboration – The desired outcome is “win/win.” This approach helps to build commitment and reduce bad feeling by working together to examine the facts of the matter and dealing only with them to achieve a joint satisfactory solution.  This, however, takes time, energy and commitment. This is regarded as the best approach for managing conflict, the objective of collaboration is to reach consensus.  Assertive behaviour here ensures that you satisfy the needs and wants of both parties.

Compromise – The desired outcome is “win some/lose some.” This approach is generally used to achieve temporary solutions, to avoid destructive power struggles or when time pressures exist. However, a potential pitfall is that people can lose sight of important values and long-term objectives. The use of assertive behaviour here ensures that a solution is reached that satisfies the current need, but it is done so fairly and factually.

Avoidance – The outcome is “lose/lose.” This approach is correlated with non assertive behaviour as parties involved avoid searching for solutions, often being overly concerned with what people think of them or indirectly thwart attempts to resolve the issue. This may be done because of a lack of understanding of the real issue, due to past unresolved issues or a direct, definite attempt to not resolve the issue. A negative outcome of avoidance and non assertion is that important decisions may be made by default.

General rules for resolving conflict using assertive behaviour

Organisation – Agreed times and places to meet must be jointly established, people must be encouraged to attend. In addition, minutes must be taken so that information can be distributed before and after meetings.

Ground rules and agenda – The parties involved must agree on ground rules for communication, negotiation and decision making. They should agree on the objectives of the negotiation process. An agenda of issues to be covered needs to be developed.

Collective fact-finding – The parties involved must agree on what information is relevant to the conflict. This should include what is known and not known, that is, the parties must gather and collect the facts, and nothing but the facts. Agreement is also needed on how to gather and assimilate this information.

Evaluation – Only after the parties involved have finished listing solution options, should the options be discussed. Determine together which objective ideas are best for satisfying the various parties interests. It is useful to combine the different opinions of the involved parties to come up with acceptable proposals.

Written agreement – Is recommended to document areas of agreement and disagreement to ensure common understanding. This helps ensure that agreements can be remembered and communicated clearly.

Commitment – Every involved party must be confident that the others will carry out their part of the agreement. Discuss and agree upon methods to ensure partners understand and honour their commitments.

Separate people from the problem.
When negotiating, remember you’re dealing with people who have their own unique needs, emotions and perceptions.

In summary

Some conflicts are based on differences in thinking and perceptions. These conflicts may exist mainly in peoples’ minds. It helps for each party to put themselves into the other’s shoes so they can understand each other’s point of view.  Adopting assertive behaviour in these situations ensures that one sticks to the facts and remains objective. 

Identify and openly discuss differences in perceptions, being careful not to place blame. In addition, recognise and understand the other side’s emotions as well as your own.

To overcome obstacles, view the situation through the eyes of different partners. Focus on shared interests to make the process smoother for all involved. Look for meaningful opportunities, not simple solutions and ensure that you portray assertive body language and an even voice tone.

“The only healthy communication style is assertive communication”. Jim Rohn, 2008

©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd, 2009

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 conflict management and assertiveness programs.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information or add a comment at our blog http://spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com

Thank You

What can it do for you?  Sitting down with a qualified, experienced career guidance counsellor can benefit you in a number of ways.  First, they are objective.  Your mum or partner might tell you that you’re brilliant at drawing, but does that make you suitable for a job in architecture?  A good career guidance counsellor will probably insist you do some kind of psychometric assessment, a questionnaire which will tease out your skills, abilities and career preferences.  This is a great starting point for making changes.  Using psychometric tools gives you a comprehensive report on what kind of career choices you should be making.  Your guidance counsellor will talk you through the report, highlighting your strengths, possibly areas you need to develop, but most importantly, they will build on these results to help you achieve a career change, or identify possible careers and industries that would suit you.  They then help you to find the right job for you by reviewing your CV to make sure it is targeted at the right audience and coach you through how to carry out an effective interview, giving you tips and tools to make sure you are as successful as you can be.

So, if you’ve been made redundant and considering change, or simply want to make sure you are in the right career, this is definitely what you should invest in.

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 career guidance sessions which can also include psychometric assessment.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information or add a comment to our blog spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com

Thank You

©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd. 2009

 What is an interview?

You will be judged on experience, qualifications, experience, appearance and confidence.  .  Prepare carefully and maintain a positive, constructive point of view during interviews.  Remember that an interview is a 2 way process, an interview is to form a vision of what your working life might look and feel like

 What should I do to prepare for the  interview?

Learn about the company, check their website and be able to reel off a couple of salient points that shows you have done some research.  Make sure your CV is up to date and be able to talk about it without having to look at it.  Practice and role play your best responses until they feel natural.  What you say should reflect your CV, stick to relevant details as much as possible even if it is tempting to tell them about your experiences renting deckchairs on Bondi Beach for 6 months.  Help the interviewer understand what you want and where you are going

 What about first impressions? What should I be aware of?

A firm handshake reflects a confident person.  Be aware of your body language, try and be open and friendly, ie don’t sit with arms and legs crossed for the duration of the interview, it gives the impression you are not interested. As well as your body language, be aware of your attitude, clothing and appearance.  Even if you are told to dress casually, make sure your clothes are clean and ironed and make sure they recognise you have made some effort.

Any other tips about the interview?

Be on time and bring as little baggage as possible.   Don’t bring up the subject of money first (and never quote an exact figure).  Show enthusiasm and energy. 

Direct your responses to each questioner (when there is more than one interviewer ).  Don’t regard the interview as an interrogation, assume the recruiter wants you to succeed. 

Keep your perspective and keep an open mind.  Be attentive in the interviewing process and remember you are developing a relationship.  Don’t be negative about previous employers or colleagues, if you are asked to describe a negative experience, turn it around to a positive, something you have learned from.

Keep in mind that people will remember you the way you tell them to remember you.

 Should I follow up afterwards?

Yes, write and thank them for the opportunity.  It might be seem like an effort to do so but it is worth it, I know someone who got the job on the strength of their thank you note as the person originally offered the position pulled out and the HR Manager was so impressed by the thank you note that they offered them the position.

 Questions you are likely to be asked:

 What are your short and long term goals?

Be realistic and don’t waffle

 What would your previous bosses/colleagues say about you? (Make sure what you say would mirror what they say)

 Why are you looking for a new job/leaving your current position?

• • Looking for a new challenge
  • Company is downsizing
  • Company is relocating
  • Promotion/advancement opportunities limited

 What do you know about our company?

• • Research the company before your interview

 What has been the highlight of your career?

• • Be specific – mention costs, percentages, figures

 What are your strengths?

• • Be honest – they will find out if you get the job
  • Try to give examples

 What are your weaknesses / areas for improvement?

• • Try and make it sound positive, ie. I sometimes work at a pace that other people find hard to keep up with

• • Be positive, upbeat, friendly, informative

 Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 sessions on interview techniques.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information or add a comment to our blog spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com

Thank You

 ©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd. 2009

BODY LANGUAGE & VOICE

The main sources of failure in public speaking are being inaudible, boring, unconvincing, talking too fast (or too slow!), having irritating mannerisms, being nervous, not being able to handle the audience and presenting your material badly.

A public speaker should speak loudly and distinctly with the head up and a projected voice which reaches all corners of the audience.  The end of words should be sounded, there should be no ‘drop off’ at the end of sentences, one should avoid saying ‘er’ and keep pitch, voice quality and breathing under control.  Energy and enthusiasm should be demonstrated with appropriate movement around the stage/area you are in.

One needs to be a subject expert but also a member of the group, that is, on equal terms with the audience. Anxiety levels can be reduced by preparing and knowing the materials beforehand so that you are familiar with them.  You should also decide beforehand what is your precise relationship with the audience, are you there to entertain them, teach them, persuade them, and also, are you in a position to do this; do you have the right to do this?

PLANNING YOUR PRESENTATION

Make sure your presentation has a beginning, a middle and an end. 

Set the scene, set expectations, gain credibility and capture their interest

Flesh out your main points, give examples, give references that will convince the audience, illustrate visually as much as possible, encourage questions and discussion. We remember what we see and feel

Weak endings can be fatal; relief to finish can cause carelessness.  Try to keep control, summarise to reinforce key points, use facts the audience will remember, tell audience what you want them to do next and make sure everyone knows where you are for questions

MANAGING YOUR AUDIENCE

Establishing rapport with the audience is important.  You can gain their attention and confidence by explaining why you are there, outlining what you are going to talk about and why and what your aims and objectives are, should be there any. 

You should watch and monitor your audience carefully, be on the look out for people who are unable to hear, people who are bored, falling asleep, puzzled or cross.  Ensure you take rapid corrective action but be sure that you don’t depend on continual positive reactions from the audience; you need to be more concerned with the overall long term impact of the presentation.

One way to engage your audience is to make sure that you demonstrate and energy and enthusiasm, even passion in your subject matter.  Many studies show that attitude change takes place more easily when the presenter is emotionally aroused and enthusiastic about their material. 

Key to any successful presentation is being aware of the differences in your audience.  Individual personalities learn and assimilate information in different ways.  Some people like to listen, some to experience and some like to have the material to hand to read and make notes on.  It is important that your presentation takes these different assimilation styles into consideration in the preparation.   Consider in your preparation that you need to facilitate different learning styles and ensure that you cover all bases, making sure that visual people have interesting graphics to look at and that you are energetic and clear in your presentation for the people who prefer to listen.  If it is appropriate, for the kinaesthetic types in your audience, role plays or practical exercises might be a good way to engage them.

‘I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking.  But I strongly object when they start shaking them to make sure they are still going’     Lord Birkett (1883-1962)

SUMMARY

Decide what you are there for and what your message is.  Be aware of your body language and keep control of voice and nerves.  Try to learn the first 5-10 minutes to ensure that you don’t need to constantly refer to materials, this will help with establish credibility. 

Make sure you have planned your presentation, have a beginning, a middle and an end.  Make sure you can work any equipment you may need before your presentation.  Maintain enthusiasm and energy and engage your audience by being aware of different communication and learning styles. 

And finally, enjoy yourself, this will be evident to your audience and you are therefore more likely to get your message across and your audience will be more motivated to learn and listen.

Good Luck!

©Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd, 2009

Spencer Hunt Consulting Ltd provides group or 1:1 communication strategy programs and beginners and advanced presentation skills programs.

Please call on / or visit our website www.spencerhuntconsulting.com for more information

Blog: spencerhuntconsulting.wordpress.com